WEEK 7 MALKHUT
Day 43, Hesed within Malkhut


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Malkhut (kingdom, the reflection of everything) Malkhut represents the power that ultimately unifies all the diverse powers of the Sefirot and holds everything together. Without Malkhut, creation would remain incomplete.

WEEK 6 YESOD
Day 36, Hesed within Yesod

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Yesod (foundation, connection)

Entering this 36th Gate of Consciousness, the beginning of my week-long exploration within Yesod I've connected with two very close friends from my past.  BB lives in Montana now; we knew each other when we both lived in Northern Virginia.  She was my first Kabbalistic Healer and my Kabbalah teacher.  She is now the Director of the healing school that I went to for four years.  MB lives in Florida; we knew each other while we were both attending the healing school just mentioned.  Oddly, we did not get close to each other until after we left the school.

In our conversation, BB mentioned that she was needing to let go of a huge number of clients because the school was taking up so much of her time.  We discussed the potential of my taking on a good number of those clients.  If this increase in number of clients manifest for me, I may very well have the monetary resources necessary for me to participate in the DH Teacher Training/Seminary Program.  I see the Hesed within Yesod throughout this whole phone conversation!

MB and I talked for more than an hour catching up.  We used to connect by phone every few months but haven't talked for probably a year.  She's been going through a LOT of change in her life that somehow precluded our phone contacts.  And, for some reason, her email account would not "get through" to my Comcast email account.  There was a block or something between the two email accounts.  I also see the Hesed within Yesod throughout this phone conversation as well.

One more thing that I noticed in both phone conversations (connections) was how there had been "disconnects."  And, another thing I noticed is how Foundations for both my friends, as well as myself, have been being shifted.

WEEK 5 HOD
Day 29, Hesed within Hod

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)

Early this morning, as I entered the 29th Gate of Consciousness, I opened to exploring more about where I am in relation to completing an application for the new Ridhwan Teacher Training.  It was like walking through a long corridor looking into rooms that held thoughts, feelings, ideas and beliefs that I was already familiar with.  Suddenly I came to this place (or space) where it was very clear that I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing now and that I didn't need to become anything other than what I am.  I realized at that moment -- visual snapshots moved through my mind at something like warp-speed -- that I've spent my whole life "becoming"  but there was something about the "way" I went about it that seemed to be trying to fill a hole. So the realization was that I don't need to do anything toward becoming anything . . . that I'm already whole.

I'm still not clear as to whether I'm going to apply for this teacher training, but I am clear that if I do it, it will be from a totally different place than where I was -- free of identifications or need to be identified.

Let me take a moment to acknowledge that my early morning Inquiry was clearly supported within Hod.  I felt such gratefulness and acceptance (a submission to what is); and I felt a more solid, clear sense of self.  The experience also included such lovingkindness toward myself!  No judgement (no super ego anywhere in my space).

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 22, Hesed within Netzach


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)


Walking into this Gate 22, two thoughts arise:  first, that I need more practice in understanding this gate (so today may well bring the practice that I need); and secondly, my favorite number is 22 (well, it was the thought that arise).

We're leaving in an hour to drive to Bellingham to a memorial service for Dave's uncle. I did not know Harold long, or well, but he seemed like a class-act human being. I don't know that I ever heard him say a negative thing about anybody . . . and if he did, you didn't quite realize it was negative. Anyway, we'll be in the car driving for three hours along with Elsie, Dave's aunt.  She's the last surviving sister of that generation of siblings.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 15, Hesed within Tiferet


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Tiferet possesses the power to blend and harmonize the free outpouring love of hesed with the discipline of gevurah by introducing a third dimension - the dimension of truth.

Today is the beginning of a very special week of exploration for me personally because Tiferet has often revealed his aspects to me a through a number of levels -- the very depths of beauty and compassion. (Note: Tiferet is one of the sephirot which is considered a masculine sefirot.)

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 8, Hesed within Gevurah


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

First, dropping into Gevurah-consciousness feels good to me in that I can experience my essential strength -- that which is intrinsic to myself, to who I am.  As I let myself sit here and sense into the other aspects of Gevurah, I can see how it's easy to become rigid.  I wonder if this is the domain of the SuperEgo -- a nega-Gevurah (distorted, unbalanced).  Here too are standards and rules which are necessary in life but can also become fixed and limiting.

Yes, and that's where Hesed comes in . . . Gevurah's partner from across the way.  As I let in some Hesed into this Gevurah-consciousness, I feel like I can have strong boundaries that have some give to them -- a little flexibility where needed.  I get a sense of how I can say "no" with kindness and love.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 7, Malkhut within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Malkhut (kingdom, the reflection of everything) Malkhut represents the power that ultimately unifies all the diverse powers of the Sefirot and holds everything together. Without Malkhut, creation would remain incomplete.

Entering into the 7th gate, I noticed a little fear . . . I stopped (Just barely within) to see if I could tell what was happening.   Yes, I sensed a guarded, protectiveness.  It was as if I was entering a dark cave and didn't know what to expect but yet imagined the worst.  I also noticed a part of me wanted "to run."  Of course, another part did not want to miss this gate -- that's the part that doesn't want to miss out on anything.

So, I did what my practice teaches me to do -- breathe, pay attention to the breath through my belly, and notice what's happening.  A few minutes of breathing is all it took for me to become very present with myself.  The moment I felt present with myself I felt I had more space to be exactly where I was -- truly within Malkhut.  And, from where I was standing in that moment I could see many, many reflections of myself being reflected back to me from everyone I'd been in contact with this whole week . .. and then over the past month . . . and then over the past year . . . and then over my whole life.  The qualities reflected were inclusive -- good and not so good, some I hide even from myself.

Somewhere in my archived information/memory I remember reading that the spiritual state often identified with Malkhut is "humility."  I sat with that for a moment and decided to see what I could find on humility on the web.  Here's an excerpt from a blog I liked where a woman wrote about humility (more so, what it is not):

. . . what humility is not is a good place to start. Humility is the absence of many things that we can do without.

Humility is not about deprivation. Humility is about more, not less. A humble heart gives more, has more room, sees more good, and is more generous.

Humility doesn’t make itself less. It doesn’t think of itself at all. So less cannot happen.

Humility does not bring itself down. It raises others up higher yet. A humble heart can hold up a chin. For a heart to do less would be to devalue everyone. Humility is about giving value, not taking it away.

Humility is not false. It doesn’t pretend to something it’s not. It doesn’t deny the truth about what is good. A star needs to shine fully bright to remain a star. A humble star knows that shining is what it does well and is generous with its light. Falsehoods in any form, are not humility. They are a denial of the truth, that’s something else.

Humility is without guile. It needs no plot, no plan. It has no needs at all.

Humility is not about me. It doesn’t make me bigger or smaller. It’s about everyone else.

We don’t know when we have it, because when we look at ourselves it is gone.  

http://www.successful-blog.com/1/personal-identity-what-is-humility/ 

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 6, Yesod within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Yesod (foundation, connection)

Dropping into Hesed-consciousness today, I feel such expansiveness, plenty of space, uncluttered.  Within this state of being, this experience, I touch and move into Yesod.  What is Yesod within Hesed like for me today?  What's it like to sense my foundation -- where I stand? How is connection revealed to me today?  Connection to others? to the Universe? to myself? In what forms does connection unfold for me to experience?  Communication? Presence? Aliveness?

Today I found myself connecting with people in other countries (no geographical boundaries), experiencing their presence close to me, as if we were in the same room.  With each person, the communication felt so open and easy-flowing.  Also, a young woman from a local spiritual organization (one that I'd not heard of before) contacted me and asked me to present a talk to their group.  We enjoyed our connection -- communicating with her was easy, energetic, and free.  So, I'll be presenting a talk on using therapeutic essential oils on July 12th. This is a topic that I dearly love to share with others.  I feel like I have a good foundational knowledge and plenty of experience to share with others.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 5, Hod within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)


During the four years I was in the Kabbalistic Healing school (A Society of Souls), I learned to embody each of these qualities. I had a particular affinity toward the qualities, or aspects, associated with Hod. AND, I had a LOT to learn about Hod even after I graduated from the school.

One of the aspects associated with Hod (not mentioned above) has to do with a sense of self. Gradually over the years my understanding deepened as I continued to recognize each of the manifold selves within my Self. I understand better now how each of the selves came about as a means to guard & protect me. And, the discoveries continue as I uncover who I truly am.

What's important for me today, as I enter into this fifth gate, is to truly experience lovingkindness for each of these selves within my psyche who, in their way, are trying to protect me from the world.  I can feel thankfulness, grateful, for how each of them served me when I was young.

That said, it seems that the more "together" I can be with all of me moving through the world as ONE then the more wholly and completely I'll experience LIFE.  The question that arises now is How do I surrender to the greater wholeness of myself?  This question reverberates throughout every level of my being . . . including all my selves, even the ones I have not remembered.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 3, Tiferet within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

How am I open to experiencing giving unconditionally?  And even unconditional lovingkindness? Let's see when I recognize lovingkindness, or a giving, that has no strings attached.  I'd love to directly experience beauty as a harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed without having "to think" what it would be like -- just to experience it.  And, how is compassion a harmony between Gevurah & Hesed?

My day was full yet not overwhelming.  I had plenty of space between appointments.  In fact, after my 2nd appointment, I let myself feel how tired I was -- acknowledged it instead of ignoring it.  Here again I see old ideas & beliefs showing themselves -- on of which is that tiredness is a form of weakness.  Today I was not only present with it but also decided to take a nap.  Was this decision from a place of compassion?  mercy?  Maybe so.  I'm learning more & more how essential qualities, such as, compassion, love, etc. are always present, available, & do arise as needed.  I've also learned that we're often not aware of the qualities of presence.

Here are two quotes that I found applicable for me relating to this third gate of consciousness:

Beauty is a reflection of truth, and truth is ultimately true nature. And the dimension of true nature that reveals this essential beauty is that of divine love. (Inner Journey Home, p 287)

Compassion is a kind of healing agent which helps us to tolerate the hurt of seeing the truth. The function of compassion in the Work is not to reduce hurt; its function is to lead to the truth. Much of the time, the truth is painful or scary. Compassion makes it possible to tolerate that hurt and fear. It is on the side of truth, and helps us to persist in our search for truth. The truth will ultimately dissolve the hurt, but this is a by-product. In fact, it is only when compassion is present that people will allow themselves to see the truth. Where there is no compassion there is no trust. (Diamond Heart Book 1, pg 92)

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 2, Gevurah within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

In what ways do I take pauses during the day, within the flow of time and thoughts throughout my day, to check-in with myself to see what I'm experiencing in that very moment?  Which boundaries do I find easier to establish?  Which are hardest for me?  What laws (rules) does my mind hold tightly?  How do these ideas and beliefs show themselves in my life today?  And, how do these rules limit me from experiencing loving-kindness from the universe?  From myself?

 

Especially because it was my intent "to pause" (to check-in with myself) during the day, I discovered something (new &) unexpected about boundaries.  I knew the pause would be a boundary (somehow), but the direct experience was vital for a fresh understanding.  The pause itself was like a "freeze-frame" within a stream that consists of (unconscious) thoughts, mostly carried along in the stream as part of the stream.  Somehow that pause creates a space where I'm out of the unconscious stream and now conscious of myself in the present moment.
 
Also, today I experienced moments where I "caught" (saw where) a rule (an idea or belief) arose in my mind . . . and I could see how "going along with it" would be limiting my experience.  These rules -- if I do this, then that will happen -- really do limit the possibilities.  Something quite extraordinary might happen -- and it did (more than once).  

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 1, Hesed within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)


How am I experiencing ever-flow this day? Have I had opportunities to offer something to others unconditionally (my presence, generosity, love)? Where do I tend to not have any restraint? And, in my inner world, have I experienced lovingkindness to myself from myself? How so?

My whole day opened-up -- no appointments, no rushed deadlines.  I actually had continuous opportunities to be aware of my day unfolding naturally without any pressure (externally or internally).  At some point, I had this realization that this day is a gift . . . of love.  Even cleaning out and organizing a kitchen drawer seemed effortless; there was no prior planning to even clean out that drawer.  It was spontaneous.  No rushing.  Peaceful, easy, with lots of presence.  This day was a day of giving space to myself . . . for myself . . . for no reason.  It didn't have anything to do with whether I deserved it or not.