The Unlikely Sacred Gateway

by Deborah Saunders, May 13, 2012 (updated from original publication, August 30, 2004)


Button-pushing = Transference = Sacred Gateway

We can all relate to having our buttons pushed. It’s uncomfortable. Right? Few of us, if any, ever had an inkling that there’s a reason that this happens. It’s a sacred gateway that can lead us back Home, to our Self – to wholeness.

Unrecognized parts of ourselves which want to be seen and heard show up as best they can from a distant place of exile, the Unconscious. We’ve repressed them; pushed them from us; and, they’re asking to be reclaimed and returned home. So, when they show up, we have the tendency to defend ourselves, after all, these parts were exiled for a reason, i.e., so that we would not feel hurt. Their showing up threatens us, because it threatens the status quo; AND, paradoxically, it points the way to healing into the present. These parts are part of our unresolved past and they persistently seek resolution by intruding on the present

Transference Explained
Transference involves a re-experiencing of the past in the present. To the extent that we continue to experience the present with the crowded, restriction of the past, we will continue to be bound to the past, a slave to our unconscious repetitions and blocked in our forward movement.

Transference involves a kind of mistaken identity where something about another person bugs us and that something resembles the identity of the original offender -- one of our parents. (If that statement pushed a button in you, even that’s transference.) As children, we could not tolerate either of our parents being “bad”, i.e., “a bad mother” or “a bad father”. For a toddler, who wants his mommy NOW, if she’s not there immediately then that’s a bad thing -- she’s bad -- in his eyes. Young children don’t yet understand that their parents are human (not a god), nor do they even understand what it is to be human. In fact, learning how to be human is something we continue to learn into adulthood.

Self-inquiry for Truth
An Introspective Meditation* Exercise

We can gain an appreciation of how much our perceptions of reality are colored by our (compulsive) need to experience the present in ways that bring up unresolved issues from the past.  We’re bringing consciousness to (shining Light onto) what was unconscious which results in increased self-awareness and strengthening of our container for a healthy ego.

Sit in a quiet place with a notebook and pen in your lap. Close your eyes and become aware of your breathing -- notice the inhale and the exhale. Relax and notice your breathing. If any chatter comes up into your mind, see if you can set it to the side and keep breathing. You may have thoughts of things you need to do or other thoughts that are just mind chatter. Set the thoughts aside. You can always come back to them later if you need to. For now, you're simply noticing your breathing and relaxing.

Once the mind chatter settles down you want to start the self-inquiry.  You can start this inquiry from a place of "I wonder" -- like when you were a child and there were times when you'd wonder about things that you didn't know or understand.

As yourself each question below, one at a time, giving yourself time to breathe into the question and see if something reveals itself to you.  All the time, during the self-inquiry, continue to notice your breathing.

1. Do I seem to have a tendency to make (negative) assumptions about the present based on the past?  If so, when do I do this?

2. Is there a recurrent theme in my interactions with others? If so, what is this theme?

3. While doing this exercise, what have I discovered about myself that I did not already know?

*Introspective Meditation: Deborah coined this type of self-inquiry meditation as one that is fully embodied where the meditator maintains full awareness of the body.  Using a notebook and pen during the meditation, allows one to write notes about what’s happening in the body as well as writing about what’s revealed relating to the questions.

The source for much of my research in this area came from my own work with Integrated Kabbalistic Healing along with a wonderfully clear book about resistance by Martha Stark, M.D.:  “A Primer on Working with Resistance.”

Deborah Saunders has over 15 years experience in helping people awaken to who they truly are through a synthesis of healing modalities and spiritual traditions.  She created ‘A Soul Connection’ in 1998 in the Washington D.C. Metropolitan area as the vehicle for teaching self-discovery classes and workshops. By 2001, she began working privately with individuals as well.  People describe the nondual healing work with Deborah as “a profoundly gentle and open-hearted way of healing into the present.”

Private sessions can be scheduled for either of two locations -- Graham, or downtown Puyallup.  Many of her recurring clients who do not live locally work with Deborah over the phone or Skype.  Her self-discovery classes/groups/workshops are offered at various locations: Graham, Puyallup, Tacoma, and Federal Way.  Periodically, she offers teleclasses.  For more information, visit her website:  www.asoulconnection.com  and SUBSCRIBE to her e-newsletter; or simply call her at 253-875-6520.

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Inquiring into Who’s Manifesting What?

We really are multidimensional beings. We exist with many bodies, i.e., physical, subtle, and causal. Each body manifests itself as an expression of Being. Once we’re able to shift our perspective back and forth from the narrow, bounded Ego/Personality-view and the vast, boundless Soul/Spirit-view, we’re able to recognize that the more contracted perspective comes from the egoic-mind. We’re also able to recognize that the perspective from the Soul/Spirit is more expansive and inclusive – a big heart-mind. As mature, integrated human beings, we’re to learn how to consciously hold both realities. True choice (intention) can only come from our capacity to hold both realities.

The act of manifesting itself is a sort of contraction – a pulling out of the plenum that which is already present – a bringing it into a denser form. Since the egoic-mind operates from relative-knowing or archived past experiences, what appears to be the act of manifesting is extremely limited. The egoic-mind is quite childlike (narcissistic) – it wants what it wants without thought of the whole. The egoic-mind uses manipulation and seduction to get what it wants. And, the egoic-mind will resist any manifestation that threatens its identity (structures).

Let’s look at an example, a woman, Saleme, decides to sell a particular product. She feels passionate about what she’s selling; she sees how the product can be beneficial to anyone who purchases it; and, she needs the income. Selling this product is the work she’s chosen as a means for making money. The problem is that she’s not manifesting the sales, not making money. As a result, she feels rejection every time a lead hits a dead-end. Her own intrinsic value is merged with the value she sees in the product she’s trying to sell; so when someone is not interested in purchasing the product, there’s a part of her (egoic-mind) that interprets it in a way that tells her that she has no value. The egoic-mind says “You’re not enough. If you were more (fill-in-the-blank) then you would be a better salesperson.” This part of the egoic-mind is often referred to as the super-ego. It’s the internal-parent, the inner-critic/judge.

What is Saleme to do? First she must recognize that what’s happening is an inner-dynamic within her mind; and, she needs to get to the root of this inner-dynamic. She needs practice experiencing her own intrinsic-value. Also, inquiry-work could help her see how the egoic-mind is translating early life-experiences into the present. Some part(s) of her ego is putting up roadblocks to keep her from experiencing success in what she wants to do. Who is it that’s manifesting the feelings of rejection? Who is it that sees selling this particular product so important? There are any number of questions that can arise during authentic inquiry-work where questions open us to the larger dimensions of our being. This whole experience is part of her soul’s journey. It’s not enough to know that she has intrinsic value – she must experience it for herself – for we don’t really “know” anything intimately unless we experience it directly.