WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 27, Yesod within Netzach

Yesod (foundation, connection)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Through a profoundly deep inquiry I realized that my wanting to become a DH teacher had previously been tied-up with wanting the identity -- to become that. Today I realized that I do NOT want another identity.  I'm tired of identities -- structures that control my life unconsciously.

Now . . . do I still want to do the work to be a DH teacher?  Do I want to expend the required energy and resources (time, money, effort, relationship-strains) for the next ten years (at least)?  My birthday was yesterday -- ten years from now I'd be 70 years old.  They are specifically looking for 30-40 year old people.  I obviously do not meet that piece of criteria.

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 26, Hod within Netzach

Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Gate 26 feels like a perfect place to be on my birthday!  I think this is an area on the tree where I'm doing a lot of practice and healing.  The Hod-side usually feels more comfortable than the Netzach-side.  But what would it be like -- what will it be like to let myself drop into Netzach first and then open up to experiencing Hod from THAT place.  Let's see how it unfolds today.

I was notified of a potential opportunity to to go to the Ridhwan Seminary and become a Diamond Heart teacher. This is something I've been longing to do for some number of years. There are so many obstacles showing up around actually getting this to manifest.  Time to sit with all this and just let it be here -- the opportunity, the obstacles, and my feelings around all of this.

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 25, Netzach within Netzach

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

It was interesting to realize that I totally forgot to journal on this day about this 25th Gate.  I'd had an unusually full day beginning with an 8 a.m. appointment then getting on the road to meet with the Federal Way Inner-critic Book Study Group.  I had a lovely lunch with one of the ladies in the group.  I realized much later that our lunchtime conversation had a LOT of Netzach-related threads.

There were a good number of stops that I had to make on the way home -- things I needed to do before a 5 p.m. appointment.  I arrived home with 30 minutes to spare -- which felt like quite a victory (considering how tired I was).

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 24, Tiferet within Netzach

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perseverance)

What a great day for this 24th Gate of Consciousness! Potential victory within reach, I think because I surrendered. Interesting thought, eh? I just made a long overdue doctor appointment for something I've been battling over three weeks now.  Every time I thought I had the issue (probably a bacteria infection) taken care of, it would re-surface.  I see how my strength in perseverance can easily swing the other way and become a weakness, i.e., bull headededness.

I have an extremely hard inner-judge (strong super ego) when it comes to my own medical issues. The judgement is around the idea that whatever it is "it's my fault." So, I know it's not necessarily true, but there's a part of me that believes it hook-line-and-sinker.  I see the strong-armed super ego as nega-Gevurah (a negative Gevurah, one with very little healthy Hesed balancing it).  From this Kabbalistic perspective, disengaging from the super ego allows Hesed (expansion, lovingkindness) to be present and balance the strong, rigid Gevurah.

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 23, Gevurah within Netzach

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Today's experience within Gate 23 will include being with a small group of people who are interested in learning more about Raindrop Technique -- using Young Living essential oils.  We're having a free demo at my home/office from 10-12 noon.

This is the second time I've offered this demo; and, I do it specifically so that people can see how easy it is to incorporate it into their lives as something they can do for themselves for their health and well-being.  My friend, Lynne, is doing the demo this time -- she's a massage therapist, and has begun offering it as a service within her own massage practice.

Community-building is another motivation, a motivation that seems to be consistently present -- a community of like-minded, curious, open-hearted people. What would it be like to be a part of a group who use these essential oils, who continue to explore how to use them, and share that information with each other as well as others who don't know about them!?

The visual image that's arising in my mind-field (having to do with Netzach) is a little sprout pushing up through the earth . . . a perseverance to grow, a determination to live to its fullest potential.

WEEK 4 NETZACH
Day 22, Hesed within Netzach


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)


Walking into this Gate 22, two thoughts arise:  first, that I need more practice in understanding this gate (so today may well bring the practice that I need); and secondly, my favorite number is 22 (well, it was the thought that arise).

We're leaving in an hour to drive to Bellingham to a memorial service for Dave's uncle. I did not know Harold long, or well, but he seemed like a class-act human being. I don't know that I ever heard him say a negative thing about anybody . . . and if he did, you didn't quite realize it was negative. Anyway, we'll be in the car driving for three hours along with Elsie, Dave's aunt.  She's the last surviving sister of that generation of siblings.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 21, Malkhut within Tiferet

Malkhut (kingdom, the reflection of everything) Malkhut represents the power that ultimately unifies all the diverse powers of the Sefirot and holds everything together. Without Malkhut, creation would remain incomplete.

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Today, this 21st Gate of Consciousness feels like Glory reflecting Glory -- somehow heaven reflecting earth, the mundane reflecting the spiritual realm.  I had a couple of opportunities to see great strength and beauty in what was considered vulnerabilities and weaknesses. And, I continue to get chances to practice seeing how we (I) think through such distorted lenses.

Here's a great quote from my favorite teacher Hameed Ali aka A. H. Almaas: So understanding doesn't create or add antything; in fact, it removes what is there to start with.  (quote from p. 229, Spacecruiser Inquiry). He goes on to explain why it is that we often feel like we're grieving a loss when we see through a belief, idea, identification, etc.

Later this afternoon I was given a precious gift -- a chance to work with Dr. Rebecca Coleman,
O C E A N Embodiment Education Enterprises, Inc. I've been considering doing the HcG diet again in the near future.  I liked the way I was able to work with my whole being while working with that particular diet. Specifically, the fact that the HcG serum communicates with the hypothalamus to assure it that I'm NOT starving is comforting to me.  Dr. Coleman's work also includes levels of the body -- organs and systems of the physical body as well as the emotional psychological bodies.  I believe working together with Dr. Coleman will add to my healing process around nourishment and self/body image.

Glory reflecting Glory . . . Sefirot within Sefirot . . . Trees within Tress . . . Holographic Universes.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 20, Yesod within Tiferet


Yesod (foundation, connection)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)


This 20th gate of consciousness feels like another easy-to-be place for me.  I feel totally connected to all of my surrounding -- the beauty of nature that surrounds me in this setting, this place where I live.  This morning I feel very embodied, present, firmly seated with all of me here now.

What better way to enjoy this Gate . . . I left early this morning, after sitting, for a Raindrop Technique and massage.  Lynne uses therapeutic-grade essential oils -- seven single oils and then two or three blends. This particular technique touches every organ, every system in my physical body; AND, it also works in the subtle energy fields.  She began with my feet, working the various oils into each foot and focusing on my spine-area of the foot.  And, then she dropped the oils like rain (dropping through my auric field) up and down my spine. It felt so refreshing and relaxing.  I felt energized and yet calm.  This was a beautiful gift to myself.  And, I see doing things like this for myself as a way to maintain a healthy foundation for my body-mind-soul.

On my way home, I stopped and connected with a friend who's returned to working someplace she used to work . . . left and returned.  She's surrounded herself with beauty -- natural beauty, i.e., plants, trees, running water, ponds, fresh aroma and peacefulness.

In late afternoon, my grandson called . . . well, he's 14 months old and his mom said he wanted to call me.  I don't know how he told her that he wanted to call me . . . it didn't matter how.  I loved hearing his little voice making his 14 month old sounds.  He loves talking on the phone . . . and when he's done, he folds up the phone and hangs up.  All done! ha, ha, ha

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 19, Hod within Tiferet

Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Well, I must admit I have some expectation to this 19th gate . . . because I feel such an affinity to both Tiferet AND Hod.  That said, I'm open to experience whatever the Universe sets in my path this day, whatever I need to help me deepen into understanding myself, others, and the world (both within and around me).

I guess it was mid-morning when I began to recognize that I had some residual feelings and emotions having to do with some judgements.  I guess I'd been holding back some super ego ranting and finally she (SE) let go.  The judgement was around people in "service" jobs NOT being of service . . . in fact, not even acting as if they care.  It's interesting how a moment experienced at any time is connected to multiple threads within a pattern within your life.  I took the time needed to explore this pattern along with the emotions that arose as a result of giving it attention. The bottom-line discovery here has to do with "capacity."  I don't like it and I don't like admitting it but there are people who do NOT have the capacity to truly care about another human being -- sentient being -- unless there's something in it for them.  That makes me so sad to even write it.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 18, Netzach within Tiferet


Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

This morning I did an Inquiry about "Mercy" with a friend from my Diamond Heart group. We started out inquiring about Mercy, remembering some phrases -- particularly the one:  "Lord have Mercy."  My grandmother used that one.  She wasn't particularly religious; so, it seemed that the phrase was just something folks said in the south at certain times.

As the inquiry continued, the field informed us of a sense of helplessness . . . as if the one who's asking for mercy feels helpless.  There was also a sense that some authority was the one who would grant the mercy -- like a sovereign or a judge or a god. Moving deeper into understanding mercy, it became obvious that one typically "asked for" mercy which seemed to mean that mercy was not something already present but something that was needed.

It was interesting to discover during this Inquiry that mercy did not feel like an essential quality, like Compassion, Truth, Love.  Essential qualities have a non-dual state or experience even though the experience can be as a response to another.  Essential qualities arise naturally within the field -- inner and outer.  However, it seemed that mercy needs to be given and received -- a duality needs to exist in order for mercy to exist.

Later this evening I participated in my book/study group "Spacecruiser Inquiry."  There are 17 people in the group; and we meet for 2 hours, every 3 weeks, over a conference call.  One thing that came up tonight was the dedication and commitment each of us have to doing this work together.  We're studying the book -- not just reading it; and we discuss how the material touched us.  I'm always in awe at how energized and alive I feel when someone shares something honestly from a place of vulnerability.  The whole field responds and holds the person sharing as it holds all of us.  Group work is beautiful work.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 17, Tiferet within Tiferet


Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

"Compassion is a kind of healing agent which helps us to tolerate the hurt of seeing the truth." (quote from A. H. Almaas, Dimaond Heart Book 1, p. 92.

As I sit very still, quietly within this Gate 17, I notice it brings tears to my eyes.  I feel so touched sitting here.  It's like a gentle washing over and through me of the qualities associated with Tiferet.  This experience is unexpected and yet most welcomed.

Words are so often empty vessels.
Sometimes, though, we can feel the very essence of what a word means.
No thought is necessary.  No need to "already know" anything.
It seems we're somehow touched by the word from the inside-out.
But . . . it's not the word, it's the quality.
Words that are qualities.  Qualities that are words.

I used to think I knew what "compassion" meant . . . and then I didn't.  Everything I thought I knew was only what others had told me of what compassion meant or what I read about.  It wasn't until fairly recently that I totally surrendered to the crazy possibility that it was true -- that I did NOT know what compassion really was.  It sounded crazy, I know.  But I knew that I had to give up what I thought I knew if I was ever to truly KNOW the essential quality of compassion.

Once I let go of all the knowing and let myself be ignorant, I actually was empty enough to receive -- to experience compassion directly -- with no preconceived ideas or beliefs.  Compassion almost always makes me cry.  Well, no.  That's not quite the way it is.  I typically respond to compassion with tears; and I think that's because I feel so touched.

Today, I realized I don't know what mercy is.  I don't think I've ever experienced mercy.  My head is full of ideas and beliefs about it, but I don't think I've ever experienced it directly.  I wonder if it's similar to grace?

I'm ready to experience mercy directly now.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 16, Gevurah within Tiferet


Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

It's interesting how the mind works.  I looked at what this 16th Gate is called -- Gevurah within Tiferet -- and then immediately began to try to figure it out . . . a kind of worrying or picking at something.  One might ask "what's wrong with that?"  I think that's the way we're used to approaching life -- the way we face problems as well as moments of peace.  The mind wants to figure out how we got here and how to map it so that we can save it for later when we want to return again.

I began to notice that my chest/heart felt a little constricted and heavy and my breathing was shallow.  So, I stopped trying to figure all this gate stuff out and just focused on my breathing in my chest area.  Within moments I felt a loosening and I actually did not care any more about figuring out this gate.  ha!  As soon as that happened -- a letting go, I guess -- an image of the Red Rock Country (Utah, Arizona, New Mexico) arose in my mind-screen.  Such beauty!  And the strength and form of those land structures -- the Arches, etc. are so awesome.

WEEK 3 TIFERET
Day 15, Hesed within Tiferet


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Tiferet possesses the power to blend and harmonize the free outpouring love of hesed with the discipline of gevurah by introducing a third dimension - the dimension of truth.

Today is the beginning of a very special week of exploration for me personally because Tiferet has often revealed his aspects to me a through a number of levels -- the very depths of beauty and compassion. (Note: Tiferet is one of the sephirot which is considered a masculine sefirot.)

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 14, Malkhut within Gevurah

Malkhut (kingdom, the reflection of everything) Malkhut represents the power that ultimately unifies all the diverse powers of the Sefirot and holds everything together. Without Malkhut, creation would remain incomplete.

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

In this moment I'm remembering that while studying Kabbalah over the years, there's an understanding about malkhut and keter being wedged together -- keter being the beginning; malkhut being the end. And, as I recall this fact, I remember that the image of the ouroboros arose in my consciousness back then.  And, in this very moment, this image arises again.  Are you familiar with the ouroboros, the snake eating its tail?

The Zohar compares malkhut to the moon; it has no light of its own.  However, on the other hand, malkhut is the final revelation of the Divine Light for the entire process of manifestation -- in the beginning and continuously each and every moment of Life.

I'm wondering about this (Malkhut) being the 7th day of creation -- Shabbat -- cessation of work so that Creation can be revealed?  That was never something mentioned in my Catholic upbringing (not that I remember at any rate). Does this "cessation of work" merely mean to be still, stop efforting, just be . . . be the unfolding.

And, how does all this that I've been writing about fit inside the consciousness of Gevurah. Let's see how this day unfolds.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 13, Yesod within Gevurah


Yesod (foundation, connection)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

I read somewhere that Yesod is "the 'small' and 'narrow' bridge between the infinite potential of procreation that flows into it and its actual manifestation in the world.  We procreate on the spiritual plane as well as the physical.

My day was "bookended" with people I know from a business network and Free U.  It's actually rather nice to feel comfortable being with these groups.  Even though I've never "liked" networking, it seems that with this group of people it's just connecting -- real to real.  Nothing put on -- no fluff.  Just real people meeting together for a common purpose.

This evening's purpose was to envision how Robyn's shop would look in a new place.  I didn't think I'd like the space but as I listened to the others' ideas, I began to change my mind.  Robyn gathered together friends and business associates to help her envision possibilities.  She's located a new physical place (new foundation on one level) and yet it's close enough to her old shop to maintain her connection with her current customers.

This was an interesting perspective of this 13th gate of consciousness.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 12, Hod within Gevurah


Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

I'm very interested to see how my day unfolds within this gate of consciousness.  So far, my morning has consisted of working together with a colleague inquiring into a space where I felt both touched and wary (actually, it was fear).  Seeing the paradox of truly experiencing both of these states together was interesting and also allowed a deepening of understanding myself. Once I surrendered to the process to let it unfold and be whatever it is, to allow myself to experience Reality exactly as it is, I began to understand the fear.  It's quite a different experience to see oneself as an object of splendor and being (all encompassing) splendor itself. It's frightening to think of losing myself, or the object that's who I think I am -- even if the loss brings me to experiencing myself as True Nature -- as a multitude of essential qualities.  It's all quite mysterious and scary.  And, that's exactly what I'm here to do.

Note: The spiritual state identified in Chassidut as corresponding to hod is sincerity.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 11, Netzach within Gevurah


Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

Entering this gate with trepidation because of my preconceived ideas of what it "could be like" with all of these strong, intense qualities in one space together.  It is only by remembering that these spheres, these states of consciousness have a healthy state too that I now notice my own inner strength and perseverance to stay present and to see what arises.

I noticed that there are a couple of terms used to describe aspects of Netzach that I do not like -- conquering and dominance.  I realize that the part of me that doesn't like these terms is a part/self that does not like dominance over another or conquering another.  When I think of these two things my chest/heart gets tight.  I breathe into the tightness and let it be there without trying to change it.  After a short time, my chest/heart loosens and eventually gets soft and open.

From a different perspective, there are examples of conquering and dominance that are positive for me.  For example, some years ago I was able to conquer my smoking addiction.  And, as I'm more open to see more about dominance, I see that dominance can be something that is used in art to make a statement.  In music, there's a dominant rhythm, or beat.  There's a dominant character in a story (book, play, movie).

I wonder . . . what is it that's dominating my life right now?  This sounds like an interesting inquiry.  I can see right now that different things dominated my life at different times in the past.  Yes, this is a good topic for inquiry and journaling.

Note:   The spiritual state identified in Chassidut as corresponding to netzach is confidence.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 10, Tiferet within Gevurah

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

I did not recognize the aspects of Tiferet directly while I was in the midst of the experience and events.  I did recognize it after the fact.  It was the beauty and the mercy that I'd missed in the moment yet saw later.

I was very clear about the balance of Gevurah & Hesed within my day -- that balance, that harmonization revealed itself in a number of interactions with old friends and family members.  I was able to maintain being that harmony and at times even experience directly the compassion arising.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 9, Gevurah within Gevurah


Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

This gate surprised me; I thought it would be uncomfortable experiencing Gevurah within Gevurah.  My "idea" of it was limiting -- almost smothering in that it left no room (at first) for me to experience the gate directly and in the moment. Once I recognized that it was my "idea" that was limiting me, I let myself go through the day being open to see how it would unfold.  [note: I think it's important for me to write an acknowledgement here that "ideas" do limit us, limit our experience of "what is."  That doesn't mean we shouldn't have ideas.  It just means we can be more awake when we see our ideas arise.]

A good chunk of my day was focused on the Labyrinth field trip for my meditation class -- meeting as a group within a set time and place (Gevurah); getting there (using both a Google map and my navigation system are both Gevuric in nature); walking the labyrinth itself (I'll write more on this piece); and then getting back home.  I'll mention briefly that one of the ladies discovered she had a flat tire when we returned to the parking lot where we'd left her car.  Changing her tire involved a step-by-step process as well as reading the car manual.

The labyrinth itself is a pattern within a pattern.  It's a defined area that contains a pattern of a winding path.  The "rule" is basically to "stay on the path."  While walking the path, keeping within the boundaries, thoughts and emotions come and go. (note: it was surprising to see the freedom with which these thoughts and emotions would come and go -- within the gate of Gevurah within Gevurah.)


A realization at the end of the day -- my experience of this gate is never constant, it changes as I change . . . as the wind blows and moves the branches of the tree.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 8, Hesed within Gevurah


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

First, dropping into Gevurah-consciousness feels good to me in that I can experience my essential strength -- that which is intrinsic to myself, to who I am.  As I let myself sit here and sense into the other aspects of Gevurah, I can see how it's easy to become rigid.  I wonder if this is the domain of the SuperEgo -- a nega-Gevurah (distorted, unbalanced).  Here too are standards and rules which are necessary in life but can also become fixed and limiting.

Yes, and that's where Hesed comes in . . . Gevurah's partner from across the way.  As I let in some Hesed into this Gevurah-consciousness, I feel like I can have strong boundaries that have some give to them -- a little flexibility where needed.  I get a sense of how I can say "no" with kindness and love.