Stress as a Habit
First let me be clear that I'm not saying that stress is always a habit. There are many things that can cause stress. We can experience stress from outside influences as well as inner-influences. The whole idea that stress can be a habit hit me a few years ago when I was working with a Naturopath and he noticed that my resting pulse was higher than normal. We were looking at at various kinds of things that might be considered stressors in my life, including the possibility of a sensitivity to certain foods. He gave me the assignment of keeping a record of my pulse-rate throughout the day, beginning first thing in the morning before I even got out of bed.
One of the best things that came out of my work with him was the realization that I'd thrived on stress most of my life. For me, stress had become a habit, a pattern of behavior that was completely unconscious. My first clue showed up when he asked me: "What's the very first thing you do in the morning?" Whatever I answered, he shook his head and said: "No, I mean, when your eyes open, when you wake up, what do you do?"
Three years later I still remember my answer to the Naturopath. With great sense of aplomb and energy, I raised my arm, hand in a victory-fist and said: "I jump out of bed like a race-horse leaving the gate!" I'll bet if he would've checked my pulse-rate in that moment it would have been extremely high. He looked at me, smiled, then asked if I would change my normal waking behavior for two-weeks so that we could get a record of my resting pulse-rate. He explained that until I took my resting pulse, I needed to do everything v e r y slowly. He described a scenario where I'd actually recognize that I was waking up first; I'd slowly open my eyes and just lay there. Next, I might just notice things, like the light in the room, my breathing, maybe even my heartbeat, and the stillness in the room. After laying there for awhile, before even raising my head, I needed to take my pulse-rate.
Waking Up with Presence
My Naturopath gave me a gift of presence, first, by being very present with me and describing alternatives for how I could begin my day in a state of calm instead of stress. For all the years that I'd been waking up like a race-horse, I unconsciously had been putting undue stress on my body. I was putting myself in an automatic state of fight-or-flight which had a direct affect on my hormones and my heart-rate. Secondly, his wanting to see a record of my resting pulse meant that, for at least two weeks, I needed to begin my day in a way that I don't remember ever doing -- waking up with presence. When we are present, time literally slows down. It's like watching a single-snowflake as it falls in the midst of all the other snowflakes. That single snowflake appears to be falling much slower than all the other snowflakes. If you've never experienced this phenomenon, try it next time it snows.
Mistaken Aliveness
Something else I've learned about myself and stress is that with stress I often experience anxiousness which on one hand feels like a lot of energy but on the other hand (after awhile) it feels energy-draining. While doing some self-inquiry work around stress, I discovered a fascinating truth about how I experience stress & anxiety -- it has a similarity with the feeling of aliveness. Isn't that interesting? I wonder if somehow we forget how to authentically feel such a basic, essential quality like aliveness? I'm curious whether it's possible to actually mistake the experience of stress or anxiety for aliveness itself. What do you think?
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