WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 11, Netzach within Gevurah


Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, determination, perserverence)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

Entering this gate with trepidation because of my preconceived ideas of what it "could be like" with all of these strong, intense qualities in one space together.  It is only by remembering that these spheres, these states of consciousness have a healthy state too that I now notice my own inner strength and perseverance to stay present and to see what arises.

I noticed that there are a couple of terms used to describe aspects of Netzach that I do not like -- conquering and dominance.  I realize that the part of me that doesn't like these terms is a part/self that does not like dominance over another or conquering another.  When I think of these two things my chest/heart gets tight.  I breathe into the tightness and let it be there without trying to change it.  After a short time, my chest/heart loosens and eventually gets soft and open.

From a different perspective, there are examples of conquering and dominance that are positive for me.  For example, some years ago I was able to conquer my smoking addiction.  And, as I'm more open to see more about dominance, I see that dominance can be something that is used in art to make a statement.  In music, there's a dominant rhythm, or beat.  There's a dominant character in a story (book, play, movie).

I wonder . . . what is it that's dominating my life right now?  This sounds like an interesting inquiry.  I can see right now that different things dominated my life at different times in the past.  Yes, this is a good topic for inquiry and journaling.

Note:   The spiritual state identified in Chassidut as corresponding to netzach is confidence.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 10, Tiferet within Gevurah

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

I did not recognize the aspects of Tiferet directly while I was in the midst of the experience and events.  I did recognize it after the fact.  It was the beauty and the mercy that I'd missed in the moment yet saw later.

I was very clear about the balance of Gevurah & Hesed within my day -- that balance, that harmonization revealed itself in a number of interactions with old friends and family members.  I was able to maintain being that harmony and at times even experience directly the compassion arising.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 9, Gevurah within Gevurah


Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

This gate surprised me; I thought it would be uncomfortable experiencing Gevurah within Gevurah.  My "idea" of it was limiting -- almost smothering in that it left no room (at first) for me to experience the gate directly and in the moment. Once I recognized that it was my "idea" that was limiting me, I let myself go through the day being open to see how it would unfold.  [note: I think it's important for me to write an acknowledgement here that "ideas" do limit us, limit our experience of "what is."  That doesn't mean we shouldn't have ideas.  It just means we can be more awake when we see our ideas arise.]

A good chunk of my day was focused on the Labyrinth field trip for my meditation class -- meeting as a group within a set time and place (Gevurah); getting there (using both a Google map and my navigation system are both Gevuric in nature); walking the labyrinth itself (I'll write more on this piece); and then getting back home.  I'll mention briefly that one of the ladies discovered she had a flat tire when we returned to the parking lot where we'd left her car.  Changing her tire involved a step-by-step process as well as reading the car manual.

The labyrinth itself is a pattern within a pattern.  It's a defined area that contains a pattern of a winding path.  The "rule" is basically to "stay on the path."  While walking the path, keeping within the boundaries, thoughts and emotions come and go. (note: it was surprising to see the freedom with which these thoughts and emotions would come and go -- within the gate of Gevurah within Gevurah.)


A realization at the end of the day -- my experience of this gate is never constant, it changes as I change . . . as the wind blows and moves the branches of the tree.

WEEK 2 GEVURAH
Day 8, Hesed within Gevurah


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

First, dropping into Gevurah-consciousness feels good to me in that I can experience my essential strength -- that which is intrinsic to myself, to who I am.  As I let myself sit here and sense into the other aspects of Gevurah, I can see how it's easy to become rigid.  I wonder if this is the domain of the SuperEgo -- a nega-Gevurah (distorted, unbalanced).  Here too are standards and rules which are necessary in life but can also become fixed and limiting.

Yes, and that's where Hesed comes in . . . Gevurah's partner from across the way.  As I let in some Hesed into this Gevurah-consciousness, I feel like I can have strong boundaries that have some give to them -- a little flexibility where needed.  I get a sense of how I can say "no" with kindness and love.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 7, Malkhut within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Malkhut (kingdom, the reflection of everything) Malkhut represents the power that ultimately unifies all the diverse powers of the Sefirot and holds everything together. Without Malkhut, creation would remain incomplete.

Entering into the 7th gate, I noticed a little fear . . . I stopped (Just barely within) to see if I could tell what was happening.   Yes, I sensed a guarded, protectiveness.  It was as if I was entering a dark cave and didn't know what to expect but yet imagined the worst.  I also noticed a part of me wanted "to run."  Of course, another part did not want to miss this gate -- that's the part that doesn't want to miss out on anything.

So, I did what my practice teaches me to do -- breathe, pay attention to the breath through my belly, and notice what's happening.  A few minutes of breathing is all it took for me to become very present with myself.  The moment I felt present with myself I felt I had more space to be exactly where I was -- truly within Malkhut.  And, from where I was standing in that moment I could see many, many reflections of myself being reflected back to me from everyone I'd been in contact with this whole week . .. and then over the past month . . . and then over the past year . . . and then over my whole life.  The qualities reflected were inclusive -- good and not so good, some I hide even from myself.

Somewhere in my archived information/memory I remember reading that the spiritual state often identified with Malkhut is "humility."  I sat with that for a moment and decided to see what I could find on humility on the web.  Here's an excerpt from a blog I liked where a woman wrote about humility (more so, what it is not):

. . . what humility is not is a good place to start. Humility is the absence of many things that we can do without.

Humility is not about deprivation. Humility is about more, not less. A humble heart gives more, has more room, sees more good, and is more generous.

Humility doesn’t make itself less. It doesn’t think of itself at all. So less cannot happen.

Humility does not bring itself down. It raises others up higher yet. A humble heart can hold up a chin. For a heart to do less would be to devalue everyone. Humility is about giving value, not taking it away.

Humility is not false. It doesn’t pretend to something it’s not. It doesn’t deny the truth about what is good. A star needs to shine fully bright to remain a star. A humble star knows that shining is what it does well and is generous with its light. Falsehoods in any form, are not humility. They are a denial of the truth, that’s something else.

Humility is without guile. It needs no plot, no plan. It has no needs at all.

Humility is not about me. It doesn’t make me bigger or smaller. It’s about everyone else.

We don’t know when we have it, because when we look at ourselves it is gone.  

http://www.successful-blog.com/1/personal-identity-what-is-humility/ 

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 6, Yesod within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Yesod (foundation, connection)

Dropping into Hesed-consciousness today, I feel such expansiveness, plenty of space, uncluttered.  Within this state of being, this experience, I touch and move into Yesod.  What is Yesod within Hesed like for me today?  What's it like to sense my foundation -- where I stand? How is connection revealed to me today?  Connection to others? to the Universe? to myself? In what forms does connection unfold for me to experience?  Communication? Presence? Aliveness?

Today I found myself connecting with people in other countries (no geographical boundaries), experiencing their presence close to me, as if we were in the same room.  With each person, the communication felt so open and easy-flowing.  Also, a young woman from a local spiritual organization (one that I'd not heard of before) contacted me and asked me to present a talk to their group.  We enjoyed our connection -- communicating with her was easy, energetic, and free.  So, I'll be presenting a talk on using therapeutic essential oils on July 12th. This is a topic that I dearly love to share with others.  I feel like I have a good foundational knowledge and plenty of experience to share with others.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 5, Hod within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Hod (splendor, empathy, thankfulness, gratefulness, submission, surrender, joy)


During the four years I was in the Kabbalistic Healing school (A Society of Souls), I learned to embody each of these qualities. I had a particular affinity toward the qualities, or aspects, associated with Hod. AND, I had a LOT to learn about Hod even after I graduated from the school.

One of the aspects associated with Hod (not mentioned above) has to do with a sense of self. Gradually over the years my understanding deepened as I continued to recognize each of the manifold selves within my Self. I understand better now how each of the selves came about as a means to guard & protect me. And, the discoveries continue as I uncover who I truly am.

What's important for me today, as I enter into this fifth gate, is to truly experience lovingkindness for each of these selves within my psyche who, in their way, are trying to protect me from the world.  I can feel thankfulness, grateful, for how each of them served me when I was young.

That said, it seems that the more "together" I can be with all of me moving through the world as ONE then the more wholly and completely I'll experience LIFE.  The question that arises now is How do I surrender to the greater wholeness of myself?  This question reverberates throughout every level of my being . . . including all my selves, even the ones I have not remembered.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 4, Netzach within Hesed


Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Netzach (victory, conquering, eternity, security, dominance -- also, majesty, determination, perseverance)

I wonder . . . what's a victory without winning or losing?  Where do I recognize my own determination?  And, where do I see it in others?  How am I steadfast and focused yet not closed?

All during the day I let these questions be in my field as "not knowing."  Sometimes when I ask open questions like these I find the answers just are not accessible [at that time].  And, at times like that my mind wants to figure it out instead of just letting the realization arise on its own.

Throughout the day an image of someone I know kept coming into my mind-screen -- he's a mountain-climber [among other things, of course].  Then, in the midst of his image showing up, I wondered if he feels victorious when he reaches a mountain's summit.  I would think so [I need to remember to ask him].  And, in that victory, is he the winner?  Who's the loser?  I don't know.

Now, actually, I can see how when I figure something out [like on the computer] I do feel victorious.  Maybe the part of me that doubted that I'd figure it out was the loser?  Ha! Here I also recognize my determination even when there's a part of me that doubts myself.  Here I see clearly how my being steadfast and focused does not close me to guidance, because oftentimes the "way" is clearly revealed like out-of-the-blue.

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 3, Tiferet within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Tiferet (beauty, mercy, compassion, the harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed)

How am I open to experiencing giving unconditionally?  And even unconditional lovingkindness? Let's see when I recognize lovingkindness, or a giving, that has no strings attached.  I'd love to directly experience beauty as a harmonization of Gevurah & Hesed without having "to think" what it would be like -- just to experience it.  And, how is compassion a harmony between Gevurah & Hesed?

My day was full yet not overwhelming.  I had plenty of space between appointments.  In fact, after my 2nd appointment, I let myself feel how tired I was -- acknowledged it instead of ignoring it.  Here again I see old ideas & beliefs showing themselves -- on of which is that tiredness is a form of weakness.  Today I was not only present with it but also decided to take a nap.  Was this decision from a place of compassion?  mercy?  Maybe so.  I'm learning more & more how essential qualities, such as, compassion, love, etc. are always present, available, & do arise as needed.  I've also learned that we're often not aware of the qualities of presence.

Here are two quotes that I found applicable for me relating to this third gate of consciousness:

Beauty is a reflection of truth, and truth is ultimately true nature. And the dimension of true nature that reveals this essential beauty is that of divine love. (Inner Journey Home, p 287)

Compassion is a kind of healing agent which helps us to tolerate the hurt of seeing the truth. The function of compassion in the Work is not to reduce hurt; its function is to lead to the truth. Much of the time, the truth is painful or scary. Compassion makes it possible to tolerate that hurt and fear. It is on the side of truth, and helps us to persist in our search for truth. The truth will ultimately dissolve the hurt, but this is a by-product. In fact, it is only when compassion is present that people will allow themselves to see the truth. Where there is no compassion there is no trust. (Diamond Heart Book 1, pg 92)

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 2, Gevurah within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)

Gevurah (strength, judgement, justice, boundaries, restraint)

In what ways do I take pauses during the day, within the flow of time and thoughts throughout my day, to check-in with myself to see what I'm experiencing in that very moment?  Which boundaries do I find easier to establish?  Which are hardest for me?  What laws (rules) does my mind hold tightly?  How do these ideas and beliefs show themselves in my life today?  And, how do these rules limit me from experiencing loving-kindness from the universe?  From myself?

 

Especially because it was my intent "to pause" (to check-in with myself) during the day, I discovered something (new &) unexpected about boundaries.  I knew the pause would be a boundary (somehow), but the direct experience was vital for a fresh understanding.  The pause itself was like a "freeze-frame" within a stream that consists of (unconscious) thoughts, mostly carried along in the stream as part of the stream.  Somehow that pause creates a space where I'm out of the unconscious stream and now conscious of myself in the present moment.
 
Also, today I experienced moments where I "caught" (saw where) a rule (an idea or belief) arose in my mind . . . and I could see how "going along with it" would be limiting my experience.  These rules -- if I do this, then that will happen -- really do limit the possibilities.  Something quite extraordinary might happen -- and it did (more than once).  

WEEK 1 HESED
Day 1, Hesed within Hesed

Hesed (lovingkindness, ever-flow, no boundaries, no restraint, unconditional giving)


How am I experiencing ever-flow this day? Have I had opportunities to offer something to others unconditionally (my presence, generosity, love)? Where do I tend to not have any restraint? And, in my inner world, have I experienced lovingkindness to myself from myself? How so?

My whole day opened-up -- no appointments, no rushed deadlines.  I actually had continuous opportunities to be aware of my day unfolding naturally without any pressure (externally or internally).  At some point, I had this realization that this day is a gift . . . of love.  Even cleaning out and organizing a kitchen drawer seemed effortless; there was no prior planning to even clean out that drawer.  It was spontaneous.  No rushing.  Peaceful, easy, with lots of presence.  This day was a day of giving space to myself . . . for myself . . . for no reason.  It didn't have anything to do with whether I deserved it or not.

Counting the Omer – 49 Gates of Consciousness

A Daily Practice for 49 Days


From a Kabbalist’s perspective, Counting the Omer* is an active inter-dimensional exploration of the seven Sefirot associated with the 7 days of Creation.

It’s a daily practice that begins sunset May 21, 2011 for 49 days (49 gates of consciousness).

The traditional perspective of most people (Jewish) who practice the Counting of the Omer is that it’s a movement through time from Exodus** to Sinai*** -- the transition period from slavery to true liberation.

For many people, the "counting of the Omer"—these 49 days—provides a time for reflection and growth by focusing on the seven “lower” emanations [of God, Reality, our own True Nature] as spiritual themes for each day and week.

Each day, this practice provides a necessary element which coalesces with what’s present resulting in an alchemical process to manifest true gold. By recognizing our own constriction, our narrow-spaces, even our places of deadness, we can experience a shift, a new perspective, an awakening and opening to Life.

Notes:

*Omer -- An Omer is a unit of measure used for grain. An Omer of barley was cut down and brought to the Temple as an offering.

**Exodus -- Exodus – leaving Egypt, slavery, narrow-place

***Sinai – desert, unknown and also empty, open-space. Mt. Sinai where Moses received Torah -- revelation, teaching