Think about that question. Really feel into it. Right now, in this very moment, are you able to tap into yourself and really feel your own aliveness? Are you aware of this feeling of aliveness during your day in whatever it is that you're doing? I wonder if you actually feel more alive some times and then other times you really don't feel anything at all.
These are the same questions I asked myself as I read an excellent newsletter article, "Why Personal Boundaries Matter" by Lauren Zander. Zander is the founder of Handel Group, a private corporate consulting company in New York. Thanks to her article, I was reminded of the importance of personal boundaries in keeping ourselves centered and authentic. Only when we're being centered and authentic within ourselves are we able to be with others in an authentic way. I was also reminded of how naive I was most of my life as to how important personal boundaries are to our health and well-being. Personal boundaries actually do affect our zest for life.
A Personal Boundary Connection
Isn't it interesting how our energy actually gets zapped when we fail to establish and maintain our own personal boundaries? There really is a connection to how we feel when we establish and maintain our personal boundaries and when we don't. Here are a couple of examples from Zander's article of personal boundaries being violated :
the mom who works long hours at the office all week and spends her evenings and weekends caring for her family with nary a break for herself the dad who always says "yes" to requests from neighbors, relatives and friends -- even when helping them intrudes on his own plans.
Did you recognize anything about yourself in either of these examples? The thing about boundaries that many people don't understand is that boundaries show that you respect and honor your own needs. Do you feel that having your own needs is foreign to you? If so, isn't it time for you to (1) identify what your needs are and then (2) establish some personal boundaries that can help you get your needs met?
On the other hand, there are those whose boundaries are so rigid to ensure their own needs are met that their needs always take center stage. Quite often we see a dynamic between partners where one person has strong boundaries and the other has weak or no boundaries at all.
Identifying Unmet Needs
We all need to be cognizant of our own personal needs; and, quite frankly, we should not expect someone else to know what those needs are. Yet sometimes we get so lost in routines of the day that we don't even think about our needs -- specifically the little ones. For example, maybe you need to take your lunch-time away from your office instead of sitting at your desk. Maybe you need to allow yourself time to take a nap. How can you discover your unmet needs? The next time you become frustrated, annoyed or whiny, ask yourself questions about what needs you may not be honoring.
It's important to recognize that it's OK to have needs and to honor them. It's also important to remember that other people have needs and we need to honor them as well. When our needs conflict with others, it's time for communication and possibly negotiation. Remember communication includes listening as well as talking. Oftentimes when we listen we find out information we did not know. By letting others know what we need and listening to what others need, we may very well come to a better understanding as to what it is we actually do need.
(Note: This article was written and published by Deborah Saunders in November 2008.)
Deborah Saunders has over 15 years experience in helping people awaken to who they truly are through a synthesis of healing modalities and spiritual traditions. She created ‘A Soul Connection’ in 1998 in the Washington D.C. Metropolitan area as the vehicle for teaching self-discovery classes and workshops. By 2001, she began working privately with individuals as well. People describe the nondual healing work with Deborah as “a profoundly gentle and open-hearted way of healing into the present.”
Private sessions can be scheduled for either of two locations -- Graham, or downtown Puyallup. Many of her recurring clients who do not live locally work with Deborah over the phone or Skype. Her self-discovery classes/groups/workshops are offered at various locations: Graham, Puyallup, Tacoma, and Federal Way. Periodically, she offers teleclasses. For more information, visit her website: www.asoulconnection.com and SUBSCRIBE to her e-newsletter; or simply call her at 253-875-6520.
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